5 Ways to “Wife” After Baby

My husband and I purposely waited three years after getting married to have a child. We wanted to enjoy newlywed life and get mentally and financially prepared to grow our family. When it was just the two of us, it was super easy to be a wife. In fact, I was super wife! Home cooked meals at least three times per week, making him breakfast and lunch to take to work, wearing sexy lingerie, having sex multiple times per week, and having two or three date nights per week. We were living the life! Then EVERYTHING changed when we had our first child.

Children have the innate ability to suck the life out of a parent.

At infancy you don’t sleep, the toddler years are just insanity, and once you get to the preschool through high school years the kids have so many activities that you don’t even see each other (or so I’ve heard, my kids are 4 and 3 months). Once we had children, we had to hit the reset button on our relationship. It is so easy to get caught up in the duties of parenting that you neglect spending time together just to get some much-needed sleep. After child birth, I did not feel like my best self and in return was not interested in sex very much. Date nights became obsolete when trying to manage sleep and feeding schedules. When my husband and I got home from work, our evening routine of dinner and bedtime began. By the time 8pm came along, we were exhausted and just wanted to sleep. I realized that we were losing the entire reason we were together in the first place.

Where did my best friend go?

Becoming aware of our situation, we decided to face it head on in effort to reconnect. We truly missed each other and needed to get back to our happiness we once had. I decided to be deliberate in showing my love for him by catering to his needs in ways that I could handle. He in turn did the same for me, which made it much easier. The following are 5 ways I made time to be his wife.

1. Sex

My husband told me that he needed to have sex more frequently. Embarrassed that I wasn’t fulfilling his sexual desires, I asked him how often he needed sex per week. Then we agreed upon a number and I made sure that I satisfied his needs. Sex is very important in a relationship and often the first thing to stop when life happens. I never wanted to be the wife that constantly was telling my husband “No” to sex and is then heartbroken when he decided to find sex elsewhere. However, sex every day was NOT an option for me!

2. Communication

I made time to talk to my husband and have conversations about his life, frustrations, and goals. We talked about how I could help him reach his goals, how they aligned with our life plan, and I gave him advice. He respects and values my opinion and vice versa. We help make each other grow and push one another to be great. Keeping an open line of communication ensures that the relationship will evolve and not stagnate. Additionally, I am 100% honest with him. Sometimes it’s when keeping it real goes wrong, but I am not afraid to tell him the truth even if it hurts.

3. After bed time plans

We set a strict bedtime for our daughters and stuck to it! There was a plan every night of what we would do together and for alone time. We each had an hour to ourselves to finish up work or do something alone that we needed. Then we spent an hour or two together, either watching television, a movie, sharing dessert, playing a game, or planning our future. Every day we make time to just be a couple.

4. Scheduling Dates and vacations

I made sure to reserve a date night every single week even if we had a sexy date at home after the kids go to sleep. Being intentional about dating one other and maintaining the spice in the relationship is key to marriage survival. We plan couple vacations once per year to ensure quality alone time without the kids. If we can’t go on vacation, sometimes we will get a babysitter overnight and have a staycation in a local hotel. Sometimes a 24-hour recharge is what the relationship needs.

5. Spontaneity and Random Acts of Kindness

I began doing small things to show my love and make his day. Something as simple as cooking his favorite meal, sending an I love you text or sexy picture midday, or stealing a kiss in between the chaos that is dinner and bedtime routines. Simple actions such as these make him feel loved and appreciated and in turn give me an opportunity to express my adoration.

These five changes that I made in my relationship helped me to stay connected to my husband and ensure that I maintained my role as a wife. We grew as a couple and kept the fire burning. If you are feeling disconnected to your spouse, I encourage you to try some of these approaches and get back the excitement you once had, before baby.