TAM FEATURE: KATHY PAREDES
WORLD DOWN SYNDROME DAY
I am thrilled and honored to celebrate World Down Syndrome Day this year by activating my voice with The American Mom
March 21st was declared World Down Syndrome Day (WDSD) by the General Assembly of the United Nations on December 2011. WDSD celebrates the extra T21 chromosome, the main biological determinant for Down syndrome. My family and I are very grateful to the UN because the awareness day created a space for families like ours to unite with others in global recognition of Life with Down Syndrome.
On WDSD, my family feels free to honor our child, to celebrate her triumphs, her abilities, and her beauty, amidst the adversity.
My daughter, Kaya, just turned 3 years old last month. I’ve experienced so much joy, many tears, overwhelming stress, and immeasurable success raising my precious girl.
Children with Down Syndrome have delayed mental and physical development, which sometimes comes with health issues affecting different parts of the body and organ systems. Luckily, our little one is full of silliness, happiness, and innocence that I sometimes forget about her disabilities and am awed daily by her capabilities.
Families like mine rely on the social and political actions–as those taken in declaration of World Down Syndrome Day–to recognize moms like myself. WDSD gives us a voice for our children; to raise awareness, share experiences, and create space for our families to fight for inclusivity.
Our Journey
During my pregnancy, since I was considered ‘high-risk’, our baby had to be tested for congenital defects. At 20 weeks of pregnancy, my blood draw resulted positive for the T21 chromosome. We were given a choice to terminate the pregnancy; but without a doubt, we were determined to have our baby no matter what.
The past 3 years with our daughter have been very busy, to say the least. We stay mindful of how lucky we are to have a happy, healthy girl. As parents, we have to practice patience with Kaya and often let her lead, learning from her every day. Every moment is challenging, but from the beginning, we have thrown our expectations out the window.
Life with Kaya has brought and taught my family a quality of life, free from the pressures of appearing ‘perfect’, or having the ‘perfect’ child. Our biggest parenting challenge, like many parents of children with Down Syndrome would attest, is not raising her; but influencing a world of people that do not understand our children as capable, and perfect just the way they are.
As a mother of a baby with Down Syndrome, I’ve fully accepted my role in her life, and have found myself advocating for my child and those with the same or different disability. It’s my way of protecting my daughter and my family.
Our son has been the most helpful 9-year-old boy I could ask for. He interacts with his sister with kindness and understanding. She learns so much from her brother, and is most progressive in speech and expression because of him.
As a Down Syndrome sibling, he is going to have many questions and frustrations. It is my responsibility as a parent to guide him by helping him get through difficult situations, and lead by example and grace.
Parenthood: Expect the Unexpected
My husband and I were one of the first to become parents amongst family and friends. We have now been parents for almost 10 years. As a new mom and dad, we did not have many people to guide us on parenthood; what to expect, how to handle frustrations, or how to deal with our marriage once we evolved into these new identities. It was very difficult physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially, to become a Mom; and for my husband to become a Dad. Especially considering our first child was unexpected.
My husband and I had just graduated from college. I had been working for barely a year when I got pregnant. Luckily, we owned a condo in downtown Chicago, were a bit settled, and had good-paying jobs. Fast forward to now, and we finally have friends and family sharing with us a lifestyle centered on babies and establishing households.
I’m seeing the different dynamics and relationships of my peers as they try to raise kids.
Understanding Parental Choices
The most influential determinants I think contribute to parental choice– choices that are a power of parents to impact the future of society–include social and environmental factors. Technology is a mega-huge element that is affecting parenting and will affect the future of our children. The internet, the gadgets, the speed and abundance of information, and the social sharing did not exist when I was a child.
People have made careers out of blogging, self-photographing, and creating video channels of themselves and families; it’s mind-blowing.
With all this exposure, I feel like I want to participate in a positive influential way, but at the same time I’m weary about privacy and security.
Technology has definitely impacted how I parent daily.
Other factors I’ve observed are the choices parents make to home-schoool their children, which was not as common 30 years ago. Additionally, mothers are able to take on multiple careers to design a lifestyle of their own making. One of my mom-friends is a high school teacher and coordinates weddings on the weekends. Another friend is a yoga teacher, health coach, and blogger. I have pharmacist coworkers who are also consultants for direct sales companies, selling candles or jewelry.
Moms are definitely taking advantage of the access we have with online communities. Understanding how this impacts our parenting decisions and relationships with our children is important.
Is all this exaserbating mommy burnout? Are enough of us promoting community over competition? Can the information overload and increasing access to opportunity for mothers cause more stress?
A Woman’s Role in Shaping the Future
The changes I would like to see most in this country for women is to have better child care support; and greater opportunities for women in leadership roles.
I can contribute and help advance these changes by staying educated on government actions and staying aware of the policies that support or deny gender parity. I can use my position in health care to maintain ethical practices, and develop programs in my own work-place to provide better opportunities for women. I can also teach and provide positive influence to students and other coworkers whom I feel need to be informed of gender equality facts and prevent oppressive ideologies from being put to action. Lastly, I can be an example and lead, as a Clinical Pharmacist, and continue to attain management roles on committee ladders.
As a mother, I teach my children, especially my son, to always respect women and understand consent. I continue to use social media to provide positive posts that contribute towards appreciation for women and mothers.
The Power of Family Tradition
The most powerful parenting tool I have is passing down and teaching tradition; those passed on from past generations, and new ones that we develop as society changes. The tradition of teaching our family’s inherited values include; being respectful, being graceful and kind, working hard, having ambition, getting a good education, and having a good honest career.
However, I also want to teach my children some of the things I was not taught during my upbringing; the importance of gratitude, self-awareness, dignity, confidence, integrity, and adaptability. My kids will be living in a different society from which I was accustomed to in my childhood. They need to recognize problems as they arise, be resourceful enough to find solutions, and be courageous with their decisions.
I want them to know what makes them happy, to be secure with their individuality, and to never give up on their dreams.
Defining the American Identity
I am raising my family to understand that part of the American experience, is having the freedom and liberty to be themselves. My children are being taught to be mindful of how privileged they are as American citizens.
Our kids are blessed to be living in a developed country with one of the world’s largest economy and prestigious medical and scientific resources and industries around. Although the advantages of living in a culture of abundance are vast, my husband and I do not lose sight of preserving our Filipino heritage and teaching them the significant part Filipinos have played in American history.
Our parents immigrated here. I was born in the Philippines, as well. I want my children to identify with and embrace their Filipino ancestry and ethnicity.
It is very important for us to tell our son about the stories, the struggles, and the journey our parents and grandparents made as they worked to establish a better life for us.
We teach the histories of our family, who came from a poor country with nothing but motivation, hard work, patience, and resilience–as an inspiration to help guide and shape character.
Traditional American Education and its Impact on My Children
My children face many challenges being Filipino-American; socially, culturally, politically, all of it. As a community, Filipino-Americans experience a tremendous lack of self-identity.
Filipino-Americans have been termed the minority among minorities.
Our communities are small, and we lack pride and support for each other, compared to other races, even though our population is 103 million, compared to that of Puerto Rico, which is 3 million.
Due to centuries of Philippine colonization by Japan, Spain, and the U.S., embracing a Filipino identity is complicated. Filipino-Americans do not teach their children native Filipino dialects as a result from the immense push of American teaching and English-speaking during the colonization of the Philippines.
A colonized mentality and lack of identity creates struggles for our group. My 9-yr-old son does not think he is Asian. When we explained the reason, he still could not grasp why. This made me realize that the only people who are going to teach him about who he is, where his family came from, the story of how, when, and why–are his parents and family.
It is going to be quite a challenge for us, as 2nd generation immigrants. I feel that my generation needs to help strengthen our community, for our children and the future generations of Filipino-Americans. I fear that the Filipino language will be lost among us in the U.S.
My husband and I are currently trying to make our son learn Tagalog through an ‘app’ on his tablet, trying to prevent our language from dissipating.
My American Family Construct
I was born and raised in a country with extreme poverty-stricken people living in slums, or what Filipinos call “squatters”, where food is scarce, let alone “healthy.” My family took advantage of the waves of Filipino immigration in the 1960’s by working hard to become educated professionals, which granted them jobs in the US. They planted their roots in Chicago, where I spent the better half of my childhood.
I look back on the past 38 years of my life and am astonished at my family’s achievements, but am also reminded of the sweat and tears they shed, the hardships they have endured. My parents and relatives made sacrifices for over 4 decades to continue providing abundance for the next generations. They have inspired me and instilled in me their incredible work ethic, which propelled me to study hard and become a Doctor of Pharmacy.
I am grateful to be the kind of person I am, to have accomplished what I have, and to have this bountiful life.
Most importantly, I have my own healthy, happy children, whom I can provide for. To be able to fully support their hopes and wishes, considering where my family came from, is what makes me proud to be American, raising my Filipino-American family with love.
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